life update
I feel as though i might be too apologetic, and dont have confidence in the things i say, and i think thats something i have to work on.
I mean if im not confident about it, why am i saying it, right?
As Jeff Winger from Community said "be sorry before you do it, and then dont do it!"
I did notice after posting them that my posts tend to be a bit formulaic, and i assume thats predictable and therefore boring.
Predictability can also be comforting, but thats not reaaaally exactly what im going for.
But i guess i dont really know exactly what i am going for...
Here are things to note about my week:
- Ive decided to start eating less animal products.I already didnt eat meat, but i think i should also cut back on the biproducts, especially from unethical sources.
- i had an argument with someone on reddit and i feel like i couldve been nicer, but they were pissing me off.
They made one argument that basically other people had it worse so i should be grateful, but i fucking hate that idea.
Like "oh youve got cateracts? Well some people were born def and blind and therefore youre problem doesnt matter."
Like bruh, what the fuck does their situation have to do with mine???
Toxic positivity is my favorite kind of abreciousness.
- this bitch i used to be friends with texted me out of no where like as soon as i stopped thinking about him and all the embarressing shit i did around him, and now thats all coming back up which is nice.
Im not mad at him, i shouldnt call him names. He probably doesnt know i feel that way and was as worried to text me as i was to text him this whole time.
Plus hes one of the best people ive ever met.
- i accidentally said "if we hang out again" to one of my friends, and now im worried, because that could mean so many things...
Like i initiated the last time we hung out and we usually alternate, but now what if since i said that shes waiting for me to initiate it because she thinks i dont want to or cant or something anymore?
And i would initiate it, if i werent worried she hasnt initiated it because she took that as an out and she doesnt wanna hang out anymore, but if i ask she'll feel like she has to say yes and do it out of pity or something?
- my orchids bigger leaves are turning brown but two new smaller ones are growing in, and im wondering if thats normal, but instead of looking it up im just gonna see how it goes i guess.
- i made a drawing of two huge hands holding two small ropes and two sillohettes of people.
One person, my sister, is climbing the rope, and the other, me, is letting go and flipping the hands off, because god can suck my dick, and id rather fall into the darkness below, than climb higher towards a false sense of security just to fall from a greater height.
But my sister is still brave as shit for climbing higher.
Or stupid.
Im tempted to call it stupidity, but i try to not call attempts to feel safer dumb.
Im almost certain its kind of instincual.
- cap'n crunch has 45 percent of your daily recommended iron dosage per serving.
- i got back on my antidepressant, which still concerns me in some ways, but i also feel a little less shitty, so who cares i guess ๐คท
-Im really worried someone i know is gonna find these and recognize me.
-Im wondering, does anyone have any requests for topics i should post about?
I tend to start just writing and seeing where that goes, but that often leads me to like six different topics with no real opportunities for interaction and i do like the idea of building some sort of community here, if thats not too out of sight of a goal...
I dont fucking know, just lmk.
Dont act on your curiousity if youre wondering whether or not you can breathe underwater, unless youre ready to deal with the consequences.
- Billie and friends